Horse racing is not a sport
Late October and early November are officially the bane of my existence.
Late October, early November (let's call it Lamber - pronounced "Lame-beer") is the time of year when all football codes have finished for the year and cricket hasn't quite yet started.
Lamber should be a time of year full of promise, where you plan for the next part of the year when little blonde things run around wearing not much.
Lamber is the month long period where you start to contemplate getting in shape for summer while planning various debaucherous summer activities designed to get you completely out of shape.
Lamber is also the time of year when newspapers go out of business.
I've done some research (ie. made it up) and here's a little history of the newspaper.
A long time ago, someone decided to pulp some trees and circulate relevant things that had happened to the population.
Obviously, there were different categories of things that were relevant to the population.
Some of these things were local happenings. These went under the heading "News".
Some things happened elsewhere and were placed in the section "World"
Early newspapers that reported "News" and "World" went out of business pretty quickly.
It was only when some smart editor started to publish a different section that newspapers began to establish profitible businesses. Happenings around the world involving balls, be they round or oval shaped, were reported under the heading "Sport. These happenings tended to be of most significance to the population and they began buying newspapers. Once they began buying newspapers, they realised that there was all these other sections in the newspaper and occassionally even started to read the Local and World sections.
Herein lies the issue for newspapers. In the month of Lamber, there are no happenings with round or oval shaped balls to report on. Newspapers quickly realised that unless they put something into their sport sections during the month of Lamber, they would go out of business.
That something was horse racing.
As far as I know, horses get raced all year round. So, why is it that there is a one month period where seemingly nothing else takes place?
Sometime between the beginning of newspapers and now, there was a shift. Instead of publishing information relevant to the population, it was decided that what got published was what defined what was relevant to the population. It's a technique called propoganda and has been used to great effect by Nazi Gemany, Communist East Europe and the horse racing community.
In an effort to sell newspapers and promote horse racing, the 2 groups banded together to convince the rest of the population that:
a) Horse racing is a sport
b) Horse racing is of significant importance to the population such that it warrants being reported on.
This con job culminates in the biggest event in the national calendar - a horse race - which coincidentally happens to take place exactly one week before cricket season starts.
The Melbourne Cup.
The so-called "Race that Stops a Nation."
Yawn.
What a pathetic excuse for a bit of nation stopping.
Sure, there's often heaps of alcohol involved and it allows this great country to fulfil the greatest of all Australian pasttimes - gambling.
Seriously, though, there are countless things that you could stop a nation for.
When the Socceroos made the World Cup earlier this year, the nation stopped sleeping for a couple of weeks, but definitely kept ticking over.
But a handicapped horse race stops the nation. To clarify, the horses themselves aren't handicapped. That would be impressive - I'd even considering watching that.
Instead, what we watch is 24 horses of varying weight, age and gender run 2 miles carrying miniature versions of human beings dressed in ridiculous, shiny colours.
Yep. That's the "Race that Stops a Nation."
I've decided enough is enough. Next year, let's get the 24 midgets and the 24 horses and put them on a field chasing a round ball with a stick.
We'll call it Jockey Hockey. It may not stop the nation, but it's got to be better than horse racing.
Late October, early November (let's call it Lamber - pronounced "Lame-beer") is the time of year when all football codes have finished for the year and cricket hasn't quite yet started.
Lamber should be a time of year full of promise, where you plan for the next part of the year when little blonde things run around wearing not much.
Lamber is the month long period where you start to contemplate getting in shape for summer while planning various debaucherous summer activities designed to get you completely out of shape.
Lamber is also the time of year when newspapers go out of business.
I've done some research (ie. made it up) and here's a little history of the newspaper.
A long time ago, someone decided to pulp some trees and circulate relevant things that had happened to the population.
Obviously, there were different categories of things that were relevant to the population.
Some of these things were local happenings. These went under the heading "News".
Some things happened elsewhere and were placed in the section "World"
Early newspapers that reported "News" and "World" went out of business pretty quickly.
It was only when some smart editor started to publish a different section that newspapers began to establish profitible businesses. Happenings around the world involving balls, be they round or oval shaped, were reported under the heading "Sport. These happenings tended to be of most significance to the population and they began buying newspapers. Once they began buying newspapers, they realised that there was all these other sections in the newspaper and occassionally even started to read the Local and World sections.
Herein lies the issue for newspapers. In the month of Lamber, there are no happenings with round or oval shaped balls to report on. Newspapers quickly realised that unless they put something into their sport sections during the month of Lamber, they would go out of business.
That something was horse racing.
As far as I know, horses get raced all year round. So, why is it that there is a one month period where seemingly nothing else takes place?
Sometime between the beginning of newspapers and now, there was a shift. Instead of publishing information relevant to the population, it was decided that what got published was what defined what was relevant to the population. It's a technique called propoganda and has been used to great effect by Nazi Gemany, Communist East Europe and the horse racing community.
In an effort to sell newspapers and promote horse racing, the 2 groups banded together to convince the rest of the population that:
a) Horse racing is a sport
b) Horse racing is of significant importance to the population such that it warrants being reported on.
This con job culminates in the biggest event in the national calendar - a horse race - which coincidentally happens to take place exactly one week before cricket season starts.
The Melbourne Cup.
The so-called "Race that Stops a Nation."
Yawn.
What a pathetic excuse for a bit of nation stopping.
Sure, there's often heaps of alcohol involved and it allows this great country to fulfil the greatest of all Australian pasttimes - gambling.
Seriously, though, there are countless things that you could stop a nation for.
When the Socceroos made the World Cup earlier this year, the nation stopped sleeping for a couple of weeks, but definitely kept ticking over.
But a handicapped horse race stops the nation. To clarify, the horses themselves aren't handicapped. That would be impressive - I'd even considering watching that.
Instead, what we watch is 24 horses of varying weight, age and gender run 2 miles carrying miniature versions of human beings dressed in ridiculous, shiny colours.
Yep. That's the "Race that Stops a Nation."
I've decided enough is enough. Next year, let's get the 24 midgets and the 24 horses and put them on a field chasing a round ball with a stick.
We'll call it Jockey Hockey. It may not stop the nation, but it's got to be better than horse racing.
posted by The Groin at 10:24 am
1 Comments:
Jockey Hockey? I think it's called Polo......
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