Son of a beach
Well, I shaved my hair a couple of weeks ago. Not completely off, but certainly short enough to reveal that the corners of my fringe are a little bit further back than last time I checked.
I believe the technical term for this effect is "receding"
And I, for one, am not going to stand for it.
I'm going to enlist the help of some lawyers and start a class action in genetic negligence.
I can see the trial now.
"Dr Grunstein, is it not true that you are bald?"
"Mrs Grunstein, is it not true that you have a paternal history of baldness in your family?"
"David Grunstein, is it not true that someone pissed in your gene pool?"
In life and in general, we have a lot to thank our parents for. They frame us as people, through a combination of genetics and environment.
When I was a child, my parents taught me never to accept anything from a stranger. Nothing revolutionary here - my understanding is that this is a hard and fast rule, legislated by all parents out of pure common sense and a fear of the unknown (and possibly perverse).
My question is as follows. How do American parents reconcile the above rule with their kids trick or treating on Halloween, a cultural phenomenon requiring the breaking of the above rule?
Oh, and by the way, this is not a crack at Americans. I hate how trendy it has become to be anti-American - it's like, if you totally want to score some points in public, make some comment about how America is evil and Bush is evil and you'll be the most popular person around.
In fact, I would go so far as to say that I am now Pro-American. I love America. America IS the greatest country in the world. They have the best sports, the hottest and sluttiest girls and the best pizza - open, 24 hours a day every day. What a land of opportunity!! The rest of the world has NO idea what they're missing out on.
Let's think about it for a second. Over in Iran, we've got some religious nutcase building a nuclear bomb. Think he's ever spent a summer in Cancun?
Doubtful. Doubtful he's even seen a beach.
And here's the crux of the matter. Around the world today, there are many hotspots. Look at them on a map and they've all got something in common.
No beaches.
Middle East, Central Africa - the list goes on. These areas have 2 things in common. Lots of sand, no beaches.
Australians are descendents of the English. So, why are the English so much more uptight than the Australians?
They don't have beaches.
I am a firm believer of the theory that the vast majority of the problems in the world would be resolved if more countries had a beach culture.
I still am, even given the "racial riots" (media expression, not mine) we have seen in Sydney over the past week. (By the way, can anyone actually pinpoint when Australians forgot about being racist to Asians and started on people from the Middle East?)
Bondi over the weekend was absolutely brilliant - Blue skies, 30 degrees, warm water, an empty beach, no traffic and a thoroughly entertaining police operation in place for 2 days straight.
This morning's newspapers claimed a victory in the battle. The effective placement of "heavy police presence at several Sydney beachside suburbs at the weekend averted a potential disaster"
So, how effective were the police?
Well, when 6 Japanese kids on the beach decided to have a running race over a distance of about 20 metres, they attracted the attention of 3 cop cars (sirens blazing from around the corner) and 10 foot soldiers.
Then, there was the group of 10 cops gathering on a corner next to a pizza place. Clearly set up to monitor traffic, but having no traffic coming past, they were in a circle being briefed on the strategic priorities of Operation "Keep the Middle East out of the East."
You could just imagine the conversation ... "So, we've got 3 margheritas, 2 Supremes ... hold the anchovies, 1 BBQ Meat Lovers ... did anyone want garlic bread ..."
How about the plumbing van with "persons of Middle Eastern descent" (I love that expression) that, surprise surprise, had a heap of pipes in it?
And of the 25 charges laid over the weekend, all were for drink driving or traffic violations as morons attempted to break the law whilst going through police roadblocks.
Hmm... so the threat for potential disaster was clearly huge.
But the worst part about this "threat" is that the government actually came out and said "Don't go to the beaches this weekend". As distinguished from "Be careful at the beaches this weekend."
In a country like Australia, where beach-going is as much part of our national being as Pommie-bashing, whinging and Tall-Poppy cutting, this is an alarming development.
It would be like telling an American that they weren't allowed to bear arms. A Canadian they weren't allowed to have maple syrup on their pancakes. A French person that they weren't allowed to surrender in battle.
Our rights as Australians have been abused, thousands of local beach businesses have been damaged by a lack of business and the government is claiming a Pyrrhic victory in an imaginary battle.
And the worst part of it all?
My mum never let me go trick or treating.
I believe the technical term for this effect is "receding"
And I, for one, am not going to stand for it.
I'm going to enlist the help of some lawyers and start a class action in genetic negligence.
I can see the trial now.
"Dr Grunstein, is it not true that you are bald?"
"Mrs Grunstein, is it not true that you have a paternal history of baldness in your family?"
"David Grunstein, is it not true that someone pissed in your gene pool?"
In life and in general, we have a lot to thank our parents for. They frame us as people, through a combination of genetics and environment.
When I was a child, my parents taught me never to accept anything from a stranger. Nothing revolutionary here - my understanding is that this is a hard and fast rule, legislated by all parents out of pure common sense and a fear of the unknown (and possibly perverse).
My question is as follows. How do American parents reconcile the above rule with their kids trick or treating on Halloween, a cultural phenomenon requiring the breaking of the above rule?
Oh, and by the way, this is not a crack at Americans. I hate how trendy it has become to be anti-American - it's like, if you totally want to score some points in public, make some comment about how America is evil and Bush is evil and you'll be the most popular person around.
In fact, I would go so far as to say that I am now Pro-American. I love America. America IS the greatest country in the world. They have the best sports, the hottest and sluttiest girls and the best pizza - open, 24 hours a day every day. What a land of opportunity!! The rest of the world has NO idea what they're missing out on.
Let's think about it for a second. Over in Iran, we've got some religious nutcase building a nuclear bomb. Think he's ever spent a summer in Cancun?
Doubtful. Doubtful he's even seen a beach.
And here's the crux of the matter. Around the world today, there are many hotspots. Look at them on a map and they've all got something in common.
No beaches.
Middle East, Central Africa - the list goes on. These areas have 2 things in common. Lots of sand, no beaches.
Australians are descendents of the English. So, why are the English so much more uptight than the Australians?
They don't have beaches.
I am a firm believer of the theory that the vast majority of the problems in the world would be resolved if more countries had a beach culture.
I still am, even given the "racial riots" (media expression, not mine) we have seen in Sydney over the past week. (By the way, can anyone actually pinpoint when Australians forgot about being racist to Asians and started on people from the Middle East?)
Bondi over the weekend was absolutely brilliant - Blue skies, 30 degrees, warm water, an empty beach, no traffic and a thoroughly entertaining police operation in place for 2 days straight.
This morning's newspapers claimed a victory in the battle. The effective placement of "heavy police presence at several Sydney beachside suburbs at the weekend averted a potential disaster"
So, how effective were the police?
Well, when 6 Japanese kids on the beach decided to have a running race over a distance of about 20 metres, they attracted the attention of 3 cop cars (sirens blazing from around the corner) and 10 foot soldiers.
Then, there was the group of 10 cops gathering on a corner next to a pizza place. Clearly set up to monitor traffic, but having no traffic coming past, they were in a circle being briefed on the strategic priorities of Operation "Keep the Middle East out of the East."
You could just imagine the conversation ... "So, we've got 3 margheritas, 2 Supremes ... hold the anchovies, 1 BBQ Meat Lovers ... did anyone want garlic bread ..."
How about the plumbing van with "persons of Middle Eastern descent" (I love that expression) that, surprise surprise, had a heap of pipes in it?
And of the 25 charges laid over the weekend, all were for drink driving or traffic violations as morons attempted to break the law whilst going through police roadblocks.
Hmm... so the threat for potential disaster was clearly huge.
But the worst part about this "threat" is that the government actually came out and said "Don't go to the beaches this weekend". As distinguished from "Be careful at the beaches this weekend."
In a country like Australia, where beach-going is as much part of our national being as Pommie-bashing, whinging and Tall-Poppy cutting, this is an alarming development.
It would be like telling an American that they weren't allowed to bear arms. A Canadian they weren't allowed to have maple syrup on their pancakes. A French person that they weren't allowed to surrender in battle.
Our rights as Australians have been abused, thousands of local beach businesses have been damaged by a lack of business and the government is claiming a Pyrrhic victory in an imaginary battle.
And the worst part of it all?
My mum never let me go trick or treating.
posted by The Groin at 2:53 pm
2 Comments:
But George Bush IS evil.
I second your question: when did us Aussies stop focussing our hatred on Asians and move to those 'of Middle Eastern decent'? I find it amazing that we all get so upset at the thought that we live in a country that potentially has a racist undercurrent.... I mean which part of the 8-12% of the country that supported Pauline Hanson did we forget about?
I sat at work the other day and listened to a lovely bunch of ex-Norwegian and Scandinavian ladies talk about how they were poorly treated at school because their sandwiches held such ethnic meats as salami instead of the Brittish-approved 'Devon' which graced most home grown Aussie sandwiches (I still await proof that Devon is actually a meat and not a strange vegetable by-product!!!!). I mean come on guys- the wonderful world of Aussie racism runs like an undercurrent through each generation focusing at whomever this decade has chosen to add to the melting pot. 10 years ago it was an Asian influx- and in the past few years a Middle Eastern influx.... but why is this different from the wog bashing of our parents generation? Funny that we perceive it so much more as a social injustice than our parents and their parents who simply accepted that European backgrounds made them stand out. Why not just accept that the Aussie form of verbal racism, theoretical disgust and a general apathy for action is somehow more benign than that seen anywhere else in the world- I mean after all, we may talk badly in the press- but how many Aussies are actually likely to 'DO' anything about it? One thing we always can count on is the general lack of action..... of course unless it involves volunteers- now THAT we are good at! ;-)
Having said all of that and while still coming to grips with the whole 'race riot' thing going on at the moment (still not sure which side of the fence I sit on- not happy with either side at the moment) I am profoundly upset and embarrassed when a work colleague 'of middle eastern decent' (an Egyptian muslim actually- and rather a sweet fellow) told me that he needed the morning off to get his drivers license- third try. He had been in twice and hadn't yet made it into the car for the driving test- each time they had scrutinised his documentation, made nasty comments about 'terrorists', harrassed him about the fact that his Aussie citizenship papers spelt his name slightly differently than those from his homeland (birth certificate) and generally made his life exceedingly difficult through suspicious treatment, muttering and outright refusal to get into a car with him. This horrified me- to the point of almost wanting to apologise to the poor fellow for being treated likje a terrorist by the average RTA low-IQ public servant.
I guess- as Napolean behaved towards the Jews of France, my thoughts are 'To the masses of Muslims assembled at Lakemba Mosque- send in the police. But to the poor Muslim guy sitting next to me at work- leave him alone- as a person he deserves all the rights and freedoms I have. As a group- I'm still not too sure!'
Well- that's my two sense..... Grunners- sorry for taking over your blog.....I'd start one of my own but fear it turning into a 'shlog'!
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