Friday, May 30, 2003

Abuse me all you like, I've got your number

May 30 2003

Abuse. David Grunstein loves it, can't get enough of it. And tonight might be your turn.

It's 7.30pm. You've had a long hard day at work. That meeting scheduled for 20 minutes at the end of the day lasted two hours. You didn't have lunch and breakfast was a $3 lukewarm coffee that you queued up for five minutes to buy.

Your wife/husband would give you a kiss hello but they've got the flu. You have one child hanging off each leg trying to explain a recent bad test result/sporting injury/strife with another child at school. You sit down for a nice relaxing dinner, crack open a bottle of wine and try to unwind ... and the phone rings. And I'm on the other end.

Due to the recent economic downturn, I've found myself in a form of employment that I never imagined for myself. I never thought that one day my degrees in law and commerce (majoring in information systems) would qualify me to make and receive calls at a call centre.

My task is to communicate with shareholders of an Australian company in the midst of a highly publicised and controversial takeover by an overseas organisation.

I'm not content to be slandered for merely disturbing the peace. My job responsibilities also include being verbally ripped apart for playing a role in the destruction of an Australian icon.

If you think you're irritated by my calls, remember that I'm doing it for the next eight hours, straight off a script. Any break from the monotony of my script is an epiphany. You may not realise that abuse is the most entertaining part of my day. Sometimes, it's the only thing that gets me out of bed.

And it's not just abuse. It's incredible how imaginative some people get on the phone to call centres. In response to being informed that it was our policy to record calls, one clever woman asked if I minded if she recorded the conversation. And you would not believe the number of people who, when waiting on hold, think how amazingly brilliant they are for placing me on hold. In a given day, I speak to over 200 people. It takes me a split second to hang up on you. You mean nothing to me, but I do thank you nonetheless for sharing enough creativity to break the drone of my day.

Sometimes, however, the abuse gets personal. I have been screamed at for being un-Australian (don't get me started on that expression) and a disgrace to my country. I was told that "while I understand that a bloke needs to earn a crust, if you can't sleep at night, consider taking a Valium".

Are you people stupid? I have your names and phone numbers. I know where you live.

Do you think I enjoy my job? Do you think I feel like I'm adding value to our society?

No. I don't. I just enjoy the abuse. So, keep it coming, because the only satisfaction I get in my day is knowing that I just helped dent someone else's. And if anyone knows of any work going at any law firms, let me know if I can arrange a convenient time to call you back.